Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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