Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
