Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
