My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
