so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
