Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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