wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
