I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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