Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
