I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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