So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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