it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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