it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
