i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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