Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
