Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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