FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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