Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
