Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
