Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
