he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
