'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
