i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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