is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
