We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
