Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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