Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
