everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
