you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
