I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
