haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
