I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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