Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
