reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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