What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
