now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
