i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
