Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
