Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize