Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
