If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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