ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
