My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize