I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
