a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
