soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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