Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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