You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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