you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize