...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
