I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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