11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
