dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
