All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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