I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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