If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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