Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
