just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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