I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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