im six kinds of drunk right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Couch. On fire.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
