pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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