For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
