I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My vagina just clenched in fear
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
