I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
