When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is my gift to your gina
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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