A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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