I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
