porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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