From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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