who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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