I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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