guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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