my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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