I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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