If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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