Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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