I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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