Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
