If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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