Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
