The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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