Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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