They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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