Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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