i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
