i just wanna soil my oats bro
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
