I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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