All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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