The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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