You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
