11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
