Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize