she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As shirtless as possible
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
